Whenever I look at this picture (which is everyday of course!), it brings me deep sadness and great joy as well.   Jadyn’s smile either makes me smile back or cry, depending on my state of mind…..It lights up her whole face, reminding me of the joy she is experiencing right now in Heaven.  Today it causes me to smile as I enjoy the bright sunshine on the glistening snow.   It reminds me that “God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all.”   1 John 1:5

I am reading a great book on loss called “A Grace Disguised” by Jerry Sittser.  He says, “We will not be delivered from suffering, but with Gods help we can be transformed by it.   The apostle Paul wrote  ‘nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’  NOTHING!   Not dangers, problems, conflicts, failures, guilt, regrets.  Nothing.  Not even our losses.  That is the promise of true transformation;  that is the love of God.”   I am taking that to heart and letting the truth of it wash over me today.

I will be leaving on February 23rd for Haiti.   I am excited to share God’s love with the orphans during my trip.  Please keep me in your prayers!

“…let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” Matt. 5:16

 

The other day this picture showed up in my inbox.   I had forgotten that months ago I told a friend we would support a child in a Haitian orphanage.   I also suddenly had the chance to go meet Milandie and work with kids in that orphanage next month.   With only a day or two to make a decision,  I was unsure if I was up for a trip like that both physically and emotionally. (I am still unsure!)   As I was flying with Troy from San Fran to LA last night,  gazing out over the Pacific,  I felt God gave me a clear answer.   I believe He was telling me to step out and go.  I also thought about what Jadyn would tell me!   “Just go for it Mom”!!!

So not only am I heading to Haiti in a month,  I am being sponsored by the brand new “Jadyn Philipps Memorial Foundation Fund”.  This has been set up to reflect Jadyn’s heart for the misfits, homeless, and orphans around the world.   This is our first opportunity to honor JJ’s memory with this Fund!!!   We are very excited…..JJ would be thrilled!!!

YOU GOT THIS MOM!

“For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

Jadyn was scheduled to be in South Africa right now on a high school trip.   Her amazing trip leader sent us an email the other day that said……”Hi Troy & Kristin, I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as we get ready to go on Winterim. I was thinking of the amazing things we will see and then my thoughts went to Jadyn and her seeing things that we cannot even imagine!!!!”  That email was a blessing to us and oh such a great reminder!   She was looking very forward to seeing all those exotic animals and scenery.    Instead of her seeing and hearing about the trip from her hospital bed, God in His great mercy took her home to Paradise that far exceeds anything she would be experiencing on this earth.

A friend of Jadyn’s went on the trip and just sent us a picture of herself, with JJ’s pic.  She said she was taking Jadyn with her in spirit to see all God’s beauty. Another blessing from God’s hand.   South Africa and all the best this earth has to offer pales in comparison to all  Jadyn is experiencing right now!

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love Him”  I Cor. 2:9

 

 

NEW YEAR 2018

I have always loved the beginning of a new year, excited to put the old behind me and start anew.   I was expecting 2018 to be very busy, filled with graduation,  prom,  dorm room prep,  the end of high school and the start of a new life in college for Jadyn.   So many changes were on the way.   Now in front of me is a blank canvas.  I know the Lord is already there, and He will color it with beauty.  It looks empty, and a little bit scary right now. But I know HE is already in the midst of it all,  laying out plans for us to follow.   I am content right now to just wait on Him.  I want to see what He has for me.

For the past couple weeks He has put me in a place with vibrant colored flowers, waterfalls, mountains, oceans, hummingbirds and sunshine.   Sounds like paradise doesn’t it?   God knows what we need before we do!

I usually pick a word for the year.   I have decided on “Spirit-filled.”   Troy tells me that is 2 words (Oh well).   Maybe I need an extra word for this upcoming year.   I want my life to be filled with God’s Holy Spirit more than ever before, including my thoughts,  actions and entire being.   I know that is where abundant life is really found.   I believe the word for the year at Wheaton Academy is “Life”.  Last year it was “Hope” and Jadyn found that!   She has now found life eternal.  But we struggle to find abundant life while we wait for the eternal.  I know life will be nowhere close to abundant without the Spirit alive and active in me. (in any of us!!!) It is the only way to live above all the pain and heartache and stress of this life on earth.

“The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy.   I came that they may have life and have it in abundance.”    Jesus’ words in John 10:10

“You will make known to me the path of Life, in Your presence is fullness of joy.   In your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalm 16:11

 

If you were expecting to hear from Kristin, I’m sorry to disappoint you. This is from Troy. She actually asked if I’d share a few of my thoughts this time around about the hope in front of us all.

I am sitting on Banderas Bay this morning, watching the sunrise over the mountains onto the sea in Puerta Vallarta. It makes me wonder what Heaven is like. Is it bright, is it warm, does He provide both from His radiant glory?

 

“The Son radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God, and He sustains everything by the mighty power of His command. When He had cleansed us from our sins, He sat down in the place of honor at the right hand of the majestic God in heaven.” Hebrews 1:3

My simple mind is torn between the chasm between the sadness of losing Jadyn, and the reality that she is with Jesus. You see, I’ve read about heaven since I trusted Jesus as my savior 44 years ago. I’ve talked about it many times, but I’ve never really leaned into Heaven until October 30^th.

Yes, everything has changed for us.

Other questions float through my mind…What does heaven look like, smell like, feel like this morning? Can those who have passed before us see us right now?

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

We traded in our Christmas tree for flip flops this year…I guess we couldn’t just open presents and pretend that nothing had changed. And so we sit here in Mexico thinking about the Heaven before us, and the reality of walking through this life with Jesus, but without our lovely Jadyn.

I am beginning to realize that we ALL experience some loss and suffering. Kristin and I were just talking about this yesterday. There are others of you who have lost loved ones, maybe the loss of a job, loss of a marriage, or even loss of the ability to live a “normal” life due to illness. Don’t we all experience loss or suffering of some kind along the way? I think so… Obviously, we all need the hope of heaven and He knew it.

“But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, He saved us from all that. It was all His doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God’s gift has restored our relationship with Him and given us back our lives. And there’s more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this.” Titus 3:4-8 

Blessings to all, Troy

It has been almost 7 weeks since Jadyn graduated to heaven, and many of us are still stunned and wondering what just happened… including me.

So many times we had been in and out of different hospitals with JJ over the past 10 years, but we always came home together. And honestly, the deafening quiet in the house is more than we can stand most days. However, I want to share a story with you that shows just how God’s hand was with us right before she went home. It made me think of this verse… “Man makes his plans, but God directs his steps…” Proverbs 16:9 

For the last several years, Jadyn wanted a career in Hollywood either in front of the camera, or behind. That is why she applied, and got accepted to Biola University in Los Angeles. (thank you Lester for loving us) For the past few years, she had been training with AMTC (Actors, Models, & Talent for Christ) Their lovely president, Carey Lewis had auditioned Jadyn in the very beginning years ago. And while Jadyn was laying in the ICU just days before her passing, she saw this devotional posted by Carey, who had “divinely”  pulled an old photo shoot of Jadyn out of thousands of  photos in her library.  I think it speaks for itself, but make sure to see the first line where Jadyn recognizes herself in the devotional picture.

I realize it is hard to read, below you will see Carey’s final post following JJ’s passing. What an encouragement to us all.

 

Without a doubt, JJ knew where she was going to spend eternity.

John 14: 1-3 Let not your heart be troubled:  believe in God, believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

Troy and I were reminiscing last night about a Christian music cruise we were on 6 years ago with the kids.   The Newsboys (Christian band) were staying in the room next door.   The song “God’s Not Dead” had just come out and they had performed it that night for the first time.   Michael Tait(lead singer) was asking Troy and Jadyn what they thought of the song, not sure if people were going to like it or not.   Of course we all loved it, and the song got huge!   In fact Jadyn made a T-shirt with the words “My God’s not dead, He is surely alive. He conquered death” on the back.   She loved all of it!!!

Well we went to see the Newsboys concert last night, and listened with joy (and some sadness) as they sang that same song.   We were reminded again that God’s not dead and neither is Jadyn.   She is surely alive with Him in Heaven!

However, on our way to the concert we were both feeling some despair and doubt, arguing for the first time since we took Jadyn to the hospital.   Those of you who know us know we argue and spar a lot,  but we have been so kind and gentle with each other these last couple months.   It felt like the darkness was closing in on us.   But yet again God spoke to us through music, His word and His people, that there is Hope beyond our comprehension.

More recently this band has come out with a new song called “The cross has the final word”.    Some of the lyrics are…..

“Sorrow may come in the darkest night, But the cross has the final word”

“He traded death for eternal life and the cross has the final word”

As we trudge through this valley of grief we have to speak Gods promises to ourselves and each other all the time.   I’m sure this is the way we are all meant to live, but sometimes it takes the darkness to force our eyes upwards towards Heaven and the cross!

“Death is swallowed up in victory.  O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” I Cor. 15:45-55

 

I find myself sitting in a hotel lobby in Charlotte, NC tonight.  I seem to have entered the “empty nest” sooner and more permanently than I thought. I had wondered if we would ever really enter this phase of life with Jadyn’s health. I could have never been away even for a night without having serious anxiety about her health and well-being.  But here I sit tagging along on Troy’s business trip.   I would take being home with her over being able to travel with Troy any day, but God had other plans for us and her. By far, it is better for our angel (for to live is Christ but to die is gain).  Philippians 1:21

It has been 5 very (short or long) weeks since her Homegoing, depending how you look at it. Luries Childrens bereavement program called me today, so i am thinking that 5 weeks must represent something significant in the grieving process? maybe that parents can finally function and somewhat think straight? It does seem that way. Troy and I have finally started functioning better and have become more productive! no-one tells you that you will become incapacitated and have brain fog far beyond menopause (which is my norm now). Remembering to brush your teeth can be a challenge.

I won’t go back into the last month or 2 and describe the indescribable right now…..I will just rewind to last night. Troy and I made our way to Joliet to hear Danny Gokey and Natalie Grant in concert. Two favorite christian artists of ours. Hoping and looking for God to minister to us thru music, we were overwhelmed with the way the Holy Spirit showed up to speak to us directly. It was literally like a little taste of Heaven as a gift just for us. “Tell your Heart to beat again” became an anthem for us last night (a song by Danny). We prayed Jadyn’s heart would beat again but God in His infinite wisdom and grace chose for her heart to beat in Eternity. So we are left here asking the Lord to keep our hearts beating (spiritually) and open to the Lords healing and work in our lives. That is exactly what we plan to do even thru the extreme pain and heartbreak.

I need to go back again and again to the fact that God is good and He loves us more than we can fathom. He loves Jadyn more than we ever could and has her in His loving arms. Last night was just another reminder to us (which we need regularly) that God is walking thru this darkness with us and “He is light, in Him is no darkness at all.” I John 1:5 . My favorite Bible verse of all time. We all fight darkness at times in our lives but God has overcome the darkness and is the Light of Life!!!!!