Looking for Eternity

Today as I was looking at a beautiful September sky with fluffy clouds skidding along a bright sun…..a memory came rushing back to me!  Jadyn used to occasionally get these overwhelming feelings of gratefulness, happiness and joy.   Usually it was when I was driving her to dance class. She would randomly say,  “mom here it comes again! That crazy happy thankful feeling that gives me goose bumps”.  It did not happen often, but it was obvious when it came over her teenage self!!!

I would laugh and tell her I was glad she felt that way, because with teenagers it is rare. This actually went on for years.  I always thought it was a bit strange but those of you who knew Jadyn can maybe envision this?

So as I look again at the glorious Fall sky,  I had the overwhelming feeling that she must feel like that ALL the time now!  Pure unadulterated joy….with no anxiety or stress or pain or sadness or insecurity or negative thoughts or bad feelings!  I think God reminded of this as we face the one year anniversary of Jadyn going to Heaven.  HE knows it is excruciating for us, and that we are reliving the pain.  Yet the Holy Spirit is the great comforter after all.  And He speaks truth to our minds and souls.   I know it was a sweet reminder from HIM!

Thanks for your continued prayers at this tough time…

Kristin

“Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy”………..Jesus’ words in John 16:22

Tomorrow (8/17) is Jadyn’s first birthday in Heaven..….I can’t imagine what is happening there, but I know what we were doing a year ago. She received her first car, and was so proud to start her Senior year with that huge smile.

The sadness of missing her honestly brings us to our knees.   Sometimes its just plain hard to see a silver lining in this dark cloud.  But we move forward and look for God’s mighty hand.  Today we are in Wisconsin at one of her favorite places where she spent a majority of her birthdays.  Yes, we are looking for beauty in the ashes, joy instead of mourning, hope for despair…..

Isaiah 61:3

A couple weeks ago God brought little “Joy” to our home…. She is a lover!

Thank you for your continued prayers for us,

Blessings, Troy and Kristin

 

These photos were taken a year ago today!  It was my favorite day last summer because Jadyn was feeling well and had sooo much fun!

We had no idea that she would leave this earth a few short months later.  I knew the pictures were extra special at the time but didn’t know why.

GOD KNEW!   Now I know…

They were a gift from Him for us to hold onto and cherish for the rest of our earthly days!  Thank you Lord for the gift of 7/18/17 and the beauty of this special girl of yours…

“NOW we see things imperfectly, like reflections in a mirror, but THEN we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know NOW is partial and incomplete, but THEN I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” I Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

 

Last summer Jadyn and I noticed that ALL the bathrooms at Lurie Children’s Hospital were now “gender neutral”.   She got the giggles and made a sarcastic comment while peeing in a cup😂(typical jj)

Certainly, this was a fun memory in the midst of this hard & sad summer…

1. Mother’s Day
2. Graduation
3. Father’s Day
4. 4th of July
5. Troy’s Birthday
6. Jadyns 19th Birthday
7. Kristin’s Birthday
8. Fall Back to School

These are incredibly painful occasions this summer, among others.  This is why I have to remind myself over and over again of God’s truths even when I don’t feel like it!!! (or always believe it) Yes, He is loving…

2. He is powerful
3. He is near
4. He is unchanging
5. He is faithful
6. He is good
7. He is wise
8. He is eternal
9. We are loved

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love.  Death can’t, and life can’t.  The angels can’t, and the demons can’t.  Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away.  Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38,39

 

Last week was truly bittersweet for us.   Last Tuesday was Jadyn’s “bench dedication ceremony” at Wheaton Academy.   It felt like her own personal “graduation ceremony” as her senior class graduated 5 days later.   It was an incredibly difficult day for us, but a blessing to hear several of her friends share about her.

God in His wisdom and mercy allowed us to go to a grieving parent retreat (Respite Retreat) in Nashville that same weekend of graduation.   We were blessed beyond measure being with these fellow sufferers.   It was an amazing thing to meet and spend the weekend with couples all over the country who had very similar pain, and are seeking the Lord for their ultimate comfort, healing and strength.   I was also able to envision Jadyn with all their precious children together rejoicing in Paradise.  Again what a blessing!!!

A quote from Nancy Guthrie (who led our retreat) that has stuck with me………..”Experiencing God’s blessing is not merely getting good things FROM God.  The essence of blessing is getting more OF God.”

Our group of grieving parents sang together on Sunday morning (the day of Jadyn’s “would be” high school graduation) the following song lyrics…..

“Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s all “as it should be,”  blessed be Your name.  Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering,  though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.”

Love to all, Troy and Kristin

“Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.” Lam. 3:32

I had the opportunity to share my testimony at Renewal Church on Mother’s Day. Here it is…

Blessings, Kristin

https://youtu.be/L9px2_Mc9NU

 

6 months closer…

It has been just about 6 months since Jadyn went to Heaven.   Another mom whose little boy (also named Jayden) went to Heaven just days after my JJ mentioned something that has stuck with me.  She said that we are “6 months closer”…..instead of “6 months later” to seeing our babies.  I LOVED that!  6 months closer to seeing JJ again in Heaven!   I cannot wait.

I am not gonna lie though, this grieving stuff is brutally difficult.   Maybe harder than it was months ago because the shock has worn off and the reality of missing her is just plain sad and painful!!!

But I read something recently by a pastor/writer Levi Lusko whose little girl passed from this life a couple years ago.  He says, “Jadyn is with Jesus and—through the Spirit—Jesus is in me, so there is a direct connection between Jadyn and me.  She is with Him, and He is in me!  So in a very real sense, we are holding hands with the One who is holding Jadyn.”  He writes that this was a lightbulb moment for him.   Funny because Troy and I had that same light bulb moment some months ago!   What hope…What comfort!

It was a great reminder for us!!!  Until we see Jadyn in Heaven we are connected with her through the Holy Spirit in us…I cling to that truth and continue to draw closer to the Lord knowing He is my anchor in this storm.  I pray that He is the anchor of your life as well…

Blessings,  Kristin

 

There have been days recently that I have had a hard time holding onto hope.   Days where the darkness tries to creep in and steal my peace.  But then I am reminded through God’s creation or His Word or even song lyrics where my true hope is found.

Yesterday I heard this song and and it reminded me AGAIN that my hope is found in Christ alone….

“In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm”

“No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life’s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny”

“No power of hell, no scheme of man

could ever pluck me from His hand

til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I stand”

I encourage you to listen to this song as Easter approaches and celebrate with me where true hope comes from!

Happy Easter (He is Risen),  Kristin

Several of you have asked me about these links. This should make it easier.

Jadyn’s Graduation Service at Wheaton Academy 11/4/17

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEqaU_nS_2U

 

Wheaton Academy Announcement

http://www.wheatonacademy.org/about/news/1621139/wheaton-academy-mourns-tremendous-loss

Thank you for your prayers for us, Kristin

 

 

 

 

   A day of scabies baths at the orphanage.

My new little friend who desperately needed some new clothes and a little love.

I brought a pair of Jadyn’s socks and passed them on to this little angel.

“Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you.  I have called you by name;  you are mine.   When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up: the flames will not consume you.  For I am the Lord, your God……” Isaiah 43:1-3

The above verse was given to me to tie around my suitcase in Haiti.   We each got a different verse for the week.  God knew which verse I needed!  I have been trying to come up with one word to describe the trip.  That is not an easy task.   Words that come to mind are, amazing, difficult, exhausting, fun, exciting, scabies, filthy, hard work, incredible, daunting, dangerous, fascinating, overwhelming, challenging and yet a dream come true…..

One thing I knew the entire time was that I was supposed to be there, otherwise I don’t think I could have done it.   If it was possible I would probably have brought about a dozen kids back in my suitcase!!!  Sooo much need and yet so much love. Thank you all for your prayers, Kristin.